zephie's game journals
i finally did a dungeon dungeon and it was as stupid an experience as i'd feared. group of randoms who just speed off pulling a thousand enemies at once and getting mad if you haven't played it a hundred times like they have. reading the story it tries to tell throughout the dungeon? you have to be joking, what about your DPS. and the absolute worst of all, not giving me time to loot every single radish and coffee bean from every container i see. but the loot is ridiculous
it is essentially prophecized to be such a stupid experience with the social dynamic that's set up. there's no finding a group of players myself, making plans, or necessarily speaking to anyone at all, the only chat there was between party members was complaining about others not knowing things i couldn't have possibly had the chance to learn. i join a queue, it matches me up with people and i'm immediately thrust into the thick of it. this does not work for a cooperative game
and what am i gonna do? sit there in a random open area announcing that i'm looking for a specific subset of people to group up with - that is, new players who are actually interested in taking the time to learn and experience a dungeon and its story. because why wouldn't i just use the queue? it's clearly the dominant option for doing group content, and the only way to get a decent experience is to play it with friends. and does this game seriously think i have three friends. let alone three friends who play Elder Scrolls Online. maybe i could make some if the game encouraged it but alas
so i attempt to go it alone, quickly learning it's not a viable option. first off it's a pain to even find the dungeon because i have to actually go there in the world if not using the queue. i don't think enemies respawn so the only way i'm making any headway at all is taking out a guy or two, dying, running back, repeat until clear or until my gear runs out of durability. with the large enemy groups it's like, this seems maybe kind of doable, if i'm really good at the game. but the bosses are mechanically easy, it's the obscene health bars that make it clear i am just not meant to be here on my own
this is happening in the dungeon. the gall to put this in knowing if you slow down for any of it you will be kicked from the group
there is a guild for my dungeon woes i've found... good...good. i'll force myself to engage with other people at some point
this specific alchemy table is a trick table. there is a locked safebox behind it that i can for some reason accidentally target through the table, and suddenly i have a price on my head in an area surrounded by guards. you meant to "craft some potions", uh huh likely story buddy
the game is down for maintenance today and it's an affront to me specifically. i've been without access to medication for long enough that i'm saying screw it and finally taking the opportunity to get off it entirely, which i've been wanting to do for a long time but have essentially been trapped. i can't wean myself off it safely because of the release mechanism, and getting in contact with my ADHD clinic is actually headache-inducing. anyway i just bring up medication because in getting off it i am going through big withdrawals, and this game is truly the only thing that's stimulating me enough to only be asleep for 14 hours a day instead of 20. i want to start another RPG soon but i don't feel capable enough mentally to break in a new game and write about it as much as i'd like, as well as other preparations i wanted to make beforehand
i tried playing FFXI again during downtime and now i am evermore grateful for the rigidity of this game's rails. please don't make me think right now it won't work
in slowly making my way through the Grahtwood story and sidequests, i have finally become found-enough-lorebooks-ened enough to be able to do the final Mages Guild quest that lets me see the books i've collected. this was a fun questline i like Sheogorath he is silly. but what surprised me for an MMO, is the actual choice it presented me with at the end? so far every "choice" in this game has mostly amounted to un-interact-with-able NPCs having different dialogue when i walk past them (i.e. "you are stupid for killing her!! i hate you!!!"), but this was one had actual, albeit small, permanent effect on gameplay. i could give up a brainwashed girl to spend eternity in Oblivion in exchange for a cool two skill points - skill points that i can't get anywhere else
this was pretty cool to see in a game very heavy on the minmaxing and the everything-on-one-character-ing - that is, surprising for an MMO. i could only imagine most people chose the skill points (i didn't) whereas if it were a singleplayer game more people would've cared for the roleplaying aspect and not banished the girl to foreverhell. two skill points isn't a lot, a quick search says there are around 500 you can get, but also that that isn't enough to unlock absolutely everything. so with the nature of the game you could be a thousand hours or two into your character, then finally be met with the consequences of your actions when you are doomed to be [thundering sounds] suboptimal [Todd Howard laughing maniacally] [i don't think Todd has much if anything to do with this game but i'm not going to learn another name]. if it were Skyrim it's whatever, you can make new characters and it not be a big thing because you never devote nearly that much time to one
in lieu of being able to physically collect the books and build my own little library like in other games, i am taught a super-powerful-video-game-protagonist spell that lets me simply pull up the memory of any book i've read. i specifically scoped out a cozy area to sit and read and my character doesn't even pull out a book because it's all stored in her fat cat brain. i can still build a physical library in my home. the books cost real money and i can't read them. gotta sprinkle in those moments where i question why i or anyone is playing this
everything being collected in a big menu sure makes it tempting to say Whatever and download an add-on that lets me read anything, because it's less satisfying to just pick them out from a list. i can read everything online anyway but collecting books is one of my weird favorite things to do in these games, and only a fraction of the books actually give me something for collecting them. but it's also less daunting to only be limited to what i've collected for now, same reason i still buy physical books in real life when Library Genesis exists. they should sell print compilations of Elder Scrolls books
never mind they shouldn't write books at all, what the hell is this