i'm gonna keep it real with you all, this has been my stoned evening game over the past few nights, and with that came an unfortunate attempt to write a diary in that state. the issue wasn't that nothing i wrote made sense, far from it in fact, it was too clever and i ended up divulging all my secrets to being a pro Mario Kartster. i also figured out once and for all how Baby Mario and Luigi are able to race in the same timespace as their adult counterparts. i won't share it again though because an opened third eye is required and i'm at my boring two-eyed self currently

years ago my go-to hazy racing game was Sonic Robo Blast 2 Kart but i didn't feel like figuring out whatever the deal is with that nowadays so i fell back to the next best thing. this is my favorite Mario Kart and by that i mean it's the one i played most as a child. it's hard to argue for playing Double Dash and its 16 courses over 8 Deluxe and its [looking it up] 96 god are you kidding me, but i'm going to anyway: i've played every Mario Kart, even the stupid phone one, and none of them get me saying "i remember being 6 and playing this" quite like Double Dash

the circumstances of my playing means there's a lot of looking through unremarkable screenshots and videos and wondering why i saved them. here i'm pretty sure it was that i thought i was on the last lap, so when it kept going i was surprised, and i saved a clip of it thinking it would show how surprised i was. love Baby Park bro i'm still riding the high of going to a Switch pre-release event in 2017 and beating a whole table of eight on it having never played MK8 before

so i did hit myself with that shell, dude i was looking over this like the zapruder film last night but i couldn't be sure. this my favorite Rainbow Road because seeing a star fall onto the course then picking it up was one of the most exciting and dare i say fairest things that could happen to me as a child. that and succesfully driving over the arches on Mushroom Bridge both had me hollering

everytime i finish the Special Cup i get a credits sequence, the game's way of telling me i've now seen everything and should probably move on, or at least make a friend to play with for chrissake. unfortunately this game doesn't quite understand – when i kart with mario i get locked da hell in. and i don't say this in a normie way like someone who only plays Mario Kart and mobile games putting "will destroy you at mario kart ;P" on their dating profile, i mean something much more serious and cooler and which gets me even more sex than that

to be clear i'm not good at Mario Kart. maybe i secretly am but i'm not going to give myself the opportunity to find out by playing it sober. no i'm going for the real ultimate prize: the alternate title screen for winning every cup on every difficulty. typing this out right now i'm thinking what no why would i want to do that, but that's idiot baby two-eyes speaking

here i am on Tiucric Ihsoy. strange that to unlock Mirror Mode which could conceivably be considered different courses i first had to get gold in the Now Do All of That Again in One Go Cup on 150cc. how do i decide on the characters i play as you ask (i heard you with my third ear which also opened)? there were emulator achievements for getting perfect scores in 150cc cups with certain character/kart combos, all of which i attempted along the way, few of which i succeeded. the NDAoTAiOG Cup (MIRROR MODE) one is for sickos who are deluded into thinking that at the end of the day they have any say whether they win a race

looking over this one like the redurpaz film to figure out how i avoided that. there's probably a lot of hidden kart tech i don't know about and i just accidentally did some of it on account of skill. took me a good few cups to finally consider that maybe in this one i don't get the starting boost by holding down A from '2' on the countdown like in other games, on account of it never worked when i tried it

wow i doubled all of the dash. hope you didn't look up the alternate title screen before this point because i purposely didn't to avoid spoilers. all the backseaters look like they're having the worst time. i would say this was worth playing each course 8+ times. i thought there would be stuff to do in battle mode but that's apparently multiplayer only. gotta stop playing these old couch party games man i don't need the constant reminders of how unpartied i am. i don't even have a couch

this is the official ranking. hopefully i don't get in a mood with Mario Kart where i wanna play them all and i end up having to do this with MK8D's [looking it up again just to be sure i didn't misread before] one thousand courses

the two characters thing is neat it's a shame they named the game Double Dash instead of Mario Kart Cube or whatever so they can't reuse the idea without stepping on its toes. it doesn't add a ton especially since they're back to having double items now but little brother co-op is better than no co-op. also i enjoy being able to choose which of my items to use

in retrospect the two characters aspect was a misstep for the series and i'm glad Nintendo never revisited it